This is how we do handiwork in the Hobson House. (It strikes me as funny that my blog is called Hobson House, for alliteration purposes, but we are actually lacking a house, and it is something I pine for day in and day out. Anyway...) Handiwork goes like this:
Install/Put item together. Hum at your genius.
Test item.
Use mild profanity.
If working as a team, sigh loudly and often, mumble something about how team member blew it.
Find Directions
Read Directions
Uninstall/take item apart
Reinstall/put item back together again
This is what happens EVERY time we have a project. It's just how we roll. (Maybe I will change my blog to be titled "How We Roll".)
Yesterday I bought a new shower head and I wanted to impress Matt by having it installed and ready for him when he got home from work. Because I know what my man wants at the end of a long tiresome day at work. And it is a newly installed showerhead.
I ripped open the package, throwing those pesky directions on the floor, and began screwing and unscrewing pipes and such. When it appeared as though the shower head was installed, I turned on the water only to, of course, be besieged by sprays and squirts coming at me from fifty directions. This cycle was played over and over about five times, when I finally decided to read the - duh duh DUH! - directions.
I did as told, and voila. The showerhead works.
But something was disturbing me. Something in the directions.
Call me crazy, but are they telling me not to use dope?! Dope in a jar, no less? Or, worse, are they saying, "Don't be a dope! In a jar." This dope was really puzzling me. I couldn't wait for Matt to get home so I could show him how absurd these dopey directions were. How insulting and inappropriate, the dope in a jar. We would laugh, and he would say, "I can't believe that dope!" and I would say, "I know, right?! Dope?"
When Matt arrived home I let him settle in, then approached him with the directions. "Look at this. Do you notice anything?"
"Oh. Did you forget the tape?" he chuckled.
"Not that. Look at this!" I replied, pointing to the jar of dope. "What is that? Are they telling me not to be a dope? Or not to smoke dope? And since when does dope come in a jar?" (Not that I have ever seen dope, not in a jar, either ... I am merely postulating that it is usually not served in a jar.)
"Are you serious? Dope is like caulk (don't get me started on this one, either; plumbers have a nasty sense of humor). You put it on the pipes to keep them sealed."
"....oh."
How deflating. Here I was, ready to mail it to Jay Leno's Headlines, and it turns out that I actually am ... a dope. In a jar, maybe. At least the showerhead works great. And I didn't do dope while installing it.
5 comments:
Hahaha, I was totally with you one that one. The entire time I was thinking that it was saying don't turn your new shower head into a crack pipe. I was thinking, that's wierd...they must have a problem with people doing that. So it looks like you are not the only DOPE.
Another good one. And I would have probably sent it on in to Jay because my husband would have been just as confused as me! By the way, I LOVE headlines. Monday is the only night of the week that I stay awake late enough to watch the show just to see Headlines. I also titled last night's post "That's How I Roll". Huh? What are the odds! :)
That's a hoot!
haha! I am laughing out loud...good thing no one can hear : )I also throw the directions away and end up swearing by the end of the project.
Nice...another one for your future newspaper column.
Who would've thunk it? I thought what you thought.Good one.Although, I would've accepted the idea that dope comes in a jar.
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